The Week I Blew It

This has been a losing week for me....no, not weight losing, losing losing. I have stunk it up almost every day. My motto has been F IT! I don't know why. I really don't. I made willfully bad decisions. I sought out stuff I knew I didn't need or even really want. I sabotaged myself like no one else could. 

And you know what? It didn't really make a big impact in how I feel about my journey. I don't feel as though I have lost the war, or even really the battle. It is what it is...a bad week. I have probably gained a little. Oh well. 

I'm already back on track. I joined the Y yesterday, and am excited about starting an exercise program. I am sure by anyone else's standards, it won't be much of a program. I am willing to bet I won't last 10 minutes on any of the machines. But I'm moving in the right direction, and I'm not trying to keep up with anyone else. I'm only trying to do better for myself than I did yesterday. The only competition here is between me, myself, and I. 

So take that, Bad Week. You can't keep me down.

July 3 measurements

Measurements on July 3. Waist 53 (-4), hips 61 (-3), upper arms 20.5 (-2.5), thighs 34 (-2), and calves 19.5 (-3.3)

Bad day

It was a bad day...a very bad day. Lots of emotions. Lots of guilt, lots of hollow pain which I tried to fill with food. Way over points...don't care.

There is something about making decisions that you know will directly lead to your father's death...and you can't fix it with food....although I tried. 

Tomorrow is a new day. I've lots of time to fox today's food choices, and i know I will. 

But today was a bad day.

New measurements

How exciting! Waist started at 57 and is now 56. Hips were 64, now 63.5. Thighs were 36 and now 33.5. Calves 23 to 22, arms 23 to 21. This is encouraging. Yay!

Missed Week

I missed my weigh in the week. I had to go to my nephew's graduation, and we tried to reschedule for Friday, but got our wires crossed. I don't think it's been a great two weeks, and I am feeling nervous about going this week. 

I did a lot of stress eating. 

I think it's time to add some exercise. I'll go to the Y in Edwardsville this week to sign up. 

One Month Down

Well, I'm a month in.

After I weigh tonight, I will have completed 4 cycles. 

Salad Rage

Last week, I kind of hit the salad wall. I've been eating salads at lunch every day because they are low in points, tasty, and pretty easy to get together in my short lunch period. I change it up with different toppings and veggies and dressings, so it's not like it's the same thing day after day.

On Thursday, I was cutting up a pepper for my salad, and my co-worker came in. She asked why I was hacking at the pepper like Lizzie Borden.  I hadn't realized it, but I was directing a whole lot of repressed frustration at that poor pepper. I got to thinking about what I was doing and I realized I was just PISSED OFF at the thought of eating another salad.

What I really wanted was a big fat juicy cheeseburger. I hadn't realized how bored I was getting with my routine, in spite of changing ingredients. So, I took a few days off from salads over the weekend. I don't think I had a great food weekend, for sure, but it did break up the monotony.

Yesterday, we went on a field trip with school. The sack lunch that the school provided would have been about 18 points, and had no nutritional value that I could see.  I chose not to eat it, and didn't break down and get something out of the vending machines.  When I got back to school, I made myself a ginormous salad...

You know what? It was really good.