Feelings

I guess feelings are going to be a huge part of this journey. I should have seen that coming.

Someone told me one time that I should pay attention to how I feel when I eat, especially when I overeat or eat while not hungry. Let me tell you how I feel when I eat...

When I feel sad, I eat.
When I feel frustrated, I eat.
When I feel tired, bored, or down, I eat.
When I have anxiety, I eat.
When I am celebrating, I eat.

Are you getting the picture here?

And here's the other thing...I show love through food. If someone is getting married, I want to cook a meal a month for them. If someone has a baby, I send a casserole. If a friend is coming into town to bury his mother, I stock the hotel fridge. If the kids have a great day at school, we go out to eat. If one of them has a particularly bad day, we go out to eat. If we have one on one time, we dine out together. My husband and I go out to eat on the rare occasions we get to spend time together. My mission work is feeding hungry people...nothing makes me happier than taking food to Lutheran Outreach.

I'm not sure I even know how to have feelings without food.

I can tell you that last night, after the house was quiet and I had time to sit and process my first meeting with D, I had anxiety...major up in my throat, can't breathe deeply anxiety. I was surprised how intense the feelings were regarding this move. I'm confused as to why I feel so anxious after taking a positive move. I guess I have years of broken feelings to deal with, and this is just one of them.